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Try these fun variations on the classic game of COCKBALL. You'll be glad you did.

VARIATIONS

DIFFERENT BALLS

No, we don't mean yours. Although there have been times when we wished we could have put on a fresh set in mid-play. We're talking ballistics. Since a game of COCKBALL can organically arise out of nearly any social situation, it is impossible to have your favorite ball with you at all times. Try these tested variations and you'll be able to play at any gathering.

Foot Ball - a good alternative for the beginner who wants to kick it up a notch. The shape and firmness of the foot ball allow for two additional features. The most obvious being the fact that the ends are hard and pointy. The second is that if you flip it end over end, you can achieve something called a spin shot which is explained in more detail below in the section on different shots.

Soft Ball - feels pretty hard when it hits you in the nuts. This is recommended for advanced players only.

Onion - onions can be a good entry-level substitute. They are much less dense than a potato. An onion of sizeable girth can be a menace, though. Start with a smaller one. To mess things up even more, try taping two onions together! This works great with the spin shot.

Potato - potatoes can be found in nearly any home and come in a variety of weights and sizes. Choose one based on your level. An elongated potato will work with a spin shot.

Grapefruit - now we're getting somewhere. Hate the taste of the juice? Hate the bitter taste of the fruit? Wait and see how much you hate grapefruit after this! For an even greater thrill try popping a grapefruit in the freezer for a few hours. Can you say "shot-put"? For advanced players only.

Squash - a small pumpkin will work as well. Try a butter-nut squash, the name just seems fitting. A good sized squash is tear-jerking material. To bring it down a bit, try hollowing it out. It is recommended to snap off that sharp, rock-hard stem prior to play. After all, we don't want anybody to get hurt here...

Anything - feel free to experiment. You can use anything from a roll of duct tape to a bottle of beer, to a cordless phone. Each "ball" may require a slight alteration to the strategy but that's no problem. This is the beauty of COCKBALL!!!

*NOTE* - for produce, especially onions and any citrus fruit, we recommend that you use packing tape to securely seal up the ball. Nobody wants to have to stop the game because the ball is squirting all over the place.

DIFFERENT SHOTS

There are a number of different shots that can be made in COCKBALL. Not all shots are appropriate for all ballistics.

The Classic - this is the standard underhand shot with a legal amount of arc on it. Good for the beginner.

The Gravity Bomb - with this shot the ball is thrown high in the air. The height of the arc makes accuracy more difficult however the flinch factor is high, as is the pain level in the event of a true shot. Hard to master but a sure crowd pleaser.

The Spin Shot - this works best with an elongated ballistic. The ball is thrown with an end-over-end spinning action. The result is a highly effective spanker. "Only the spin shot has the ability to come up from underneath like that!"

The Pitch - this is an overhand shot used mostly for long range shots, penalty shots or one-time-only's. This is not legal during standard play. For more on one-time-only's, see below in the section on different positions.

The Bounce Shot - in this shot the ball is thrown low in an attempt to bounce it off the base of the seat, and up into a target. This is a difficult shot to pull off.

DIFFERENT POSITIONS

Different positions can be requested by the Supreme Council in the event of a penalty. A player can also give a voluntary "one-time-only" in a position of his choice, where he allows the thrower to take one shot in a compromising position only once, regardless of a flinch. Below are a few examples.

The Leg Lift - a receiver lifts both legs off the ground and pulls his knees towards his head while seated.

The Bulldog - a player must push all three targets between his legs and bend over his seat, exposing his targets to the thrower. This is one of the least desirable positions and is usually reserved for penalties only. One of the difficulties is for the receiver to hold the position while his opponents are rolling on the floor laughing so hard that no one can shoot the ball.

The Puker - recorded only once in the history of the game. The receiver lies on the ground on his back with his legs spread and with a thin pillow covering his targets. The thrower is allowed to use a heavy ball like a softball or grapefruit and can throw it overhand at full force. Try it to see how it got it's name!

DIFFERENT RULES

The rules mentioned previously are a guideline. The rules should be decided on before play but each group can change the rules to suit their preferences. Below are a few common adaptations.

Flinch Rule - one way to play is to set a limit to how many times a receiver can flinch consecutively without penalty. For beginners you may decide that after 3 flinches the ball is passed to the receiver. For more vigilant players, you may decide that after 3 flinches, the receiver must perform one of the penalty moves or take an overhand shot. This is left to your discretion.

Illegal shots - you may decide to punish illegal shots with one of the penalty moves or with a penalty shot given to the receiver.

Drinking Games - being a game that requires a high level of courage and pain tolerance, some may wish to drink alcohol before or while playing. So, if you feel like you need to make a drinking game out of everything, there is an easy way to arrange it. Every time someone flinches, throws an illegal shot or aims off target purposefully, they have to take a shot. It couldn't get any easier, but as you keep drinking, believe us, it does.

Playing with Girls - There may come a day when a female foolishly decides that she wants to play. She'll probably be ranting about equal rights, and how she can do anything a man can do. Believe us, we're all for equality of the sexes. The problem is that breasts are not as sensitive as testicles. No matter how much she may say they are, she knows deep down, they aren't. If you want to let her play, that's fine, target her breasts. Do be aware of a few problems, though. For one, she has only two targets. Secondly, there is a higher risk that she'll get hit in the head. Lastly, if you do hit her in the breasts, she will most likely get mad at you. Then she won't want to play anymore. But that's OK, this is a man's game.

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